Expectation – like a Termite

One of my very good college friends used to be very introvert and quiet kind of person. He would come across as a very mature person for his age then. He used to be in his little shell all the time, doing great things that he wanted to do very quietly, not worrying about people around him.

Even if people would give him hard time, he wouldn’t say anything. He would ignore them and move on happily. If it’s his birthday, he won’t care whether anybody would wish him or not. He would even forget to wish you on your birthday. If he wishes you - you are lucky, he would not bring any gifts and the list goes on. But, yes, if you ask him for help, he would be the one who is always ready, always there for you, by your side. That was the best part of his friendship.

He would never share how he feels about something that is going on around him. At times, I would think I don’t know him. But I will always share all my worries and happy thoughts with him. Many times I would share with him incidents that I hid deep down in my heart. While reciting those happenings to him, I would cry. He would not interrupt me a word, he would not tell me that it’s OK, things will be fine. He would let me cry as much as I wanted. He would hear me out and would say only one thing at the end, “That is why I say never expect anything from anyone, and then you will never be disappointed.”

Thirteen years back, I couldn’t be like him, no matter how hard I tried.  It bothered me what other people said especially if they said or did something that was not according to my expectations.

First few times when I heard it from him, my eyes were wide open, the tears stopped rolling down and I wondered, “What is he saying? I don’t get it.”

Almost a decade later, after getting hurt million times, shedding God knows how many tears, at times screaming and yelling in loneliness, I have realized that my friend was so right. Whenever I expected something from someone it always ended up disappointing me. I was the one who was hurt the most. Person at the other end never cared so much. If I was disappointed, I couldn’t speak up about it. I ended up screaming at beloved people in my life including my mom, husband (the most) and kids sometimes.

I feel expectation is like termite. How termite has wood-eating habits that damages any wooden furniture it lays its hands on. In similar ways, the expectation has peace-eating habits that in turn spoils and damages your relationships. I don’t want my peace of mind be eaten by stupid expectation. I have taught myself to not to expect from anyone as much as possible.

It was not easy. It cost me many sleepless nights, countless number of tears, racing heart, screaming and yelling vocal cord, some fights with people around me, some fights with myself and many years.

But finally, I am on my way to not to expect. I am not 100% there yet, but I feel it is close enough. Every time I see myself making U-turn from it, I remind myself of the verse in Bhagawad Gita

Karmanye Vadhikaraste, Ma phaleshou kada chana 

It means you have the right to perform your actions, but you are not entitled to the fruits of the actions. In other words don’t expect anything just keep performing your actions.

Magic Hug

Yesterday morning, my 5 year old woke up with a sad face and expressed, “Mommy, I feel so nervous”.

“Why, Shona”, I asked in baby voice.

“I don’t know mommy”, he said.

Instantly, I picked him up in my lap and said, “You know what, mommy knows how to make you feel better.”

I took him in my lap. I hugged and cuddled him very tight, as if, to never let him go. By this time he had started saying, “Mommy, you are choking me. My neck hurts”.

Then I said, “This is mommy’s hug. That would spell its magic and you would feel so fresh”.

I saw a smile was making its way on his face. Then I landed few kisses on him and asked him to hug me tight in return.

A few moments later, he was all happy and merry. He jumped out of the bed with gleaming eyes and said, “Mommy, you were right. You really have magic hug. Where did you get it from?”

“It’s magic, every mom has it”, that's all I said

Research shows that hugging is extremely effective at healing sickness, disease, loneliness, depression, anxiety and stress. Hugs can boost the oxytocin level, which heals loneliness, isolation, and anger. Also the more you give, the more you get it back J

My weekend started with giving a magic hug and I want to end it by giving a magic hug as well.

So here is a big magic hug to all my favorite peeps out there.

Change could be exciting, but it brings pain as well

We have all heard of the quote over and again, “The Only Thing That Is Constant in Life Is Change”. Each and everybody of us go through change almost every day. But the everyday changes are not that significant to affect us or obvious to notice. Then there are events in life that bring significant changes like new job, marriage, kids, divorce and relocating to new place etc.

These significant changes could be very exciting but not to forget could be laced with pain as well. No pain, no gain.

Each change brings anxiety, uneasiness and awkwardness with it. Why all these things happen with change?

Because change brings fear with it; the fear that could eat you, fear that could kill you and your relationships slowly and steadily. The worst part when fear dwells in even before we get into the change. If we learn to cope up with that fear, the same change could bring the success, happiness and more fun.

So how do we cope up with the fear of change?

I feel there is no one formula to cope up with fear of change. Every person has its own way to handle it. Here is my way:

1. Make peace with the change instead of fighting with it. Believe me this is not easy to do, sometimes it happens faster than other times, but works wonders once peace is attained.
2. Breathe through the fear. When I say it, I literally mean it. When under fear, I say my prayers to distract my mind from it and it works.
3. Find the attitude booster. Think about the changes you have gone through in the past and the positive outcomes that you achieved from it.

In spite of finding and following your formula, you might still go through fear episodes, but the frequency and severity will definitely be less and the phase shall pass faster.

So poke that naughty fear aside and embrace the change. Then you will find change exciting and not painful anymore.

Bring it, it’s free…

After living in Michigan for 10 years, we recently moved to Jacksonville, FL. Since the move the first four weeks, I hardly got to go out and meet people. All I did was unpack, unpack and unpack some more. In short, in those four weeks I didn't get to interact much with people other than my family. No matter how much I love to interact with my dear hubby, it was the time to see some other faces J

So I found myself a new work assignment. I was excited to start working again and see new faces. But at my workplace, I saw a strange behavior. No one smiled.

First I thought, “I am new so people don't want to smile back at me”. Gradually as few weeks passed by and nothing changed, I started thinking, “May be this is Florida thing.” “May be people in Florida are not as welcoming as folks back in Michigan; they don't reply back your smile” But that turned out wrong too since few of them started to smile back at me.

Now my restless mind wanted to find out the real reason why these other folks  do not smile at all. I kept looking for unsaid clues. Eventually, I noticed a strange phenomenon. Most of the folks in leadership at my workplace never smile. Could that be the reason why most of my coworkers don’t smile either? May be, the leadership team passes down the scowled look to their dearest employees. And in turn...nobody smiles (well, except a few).

When I look at these leadership folks and think about they not smiling, even when you crack a joke (yes one time I cracked a joke in front of one of the leadership members and he didn’t have a slight curve on his face). I feel sad for these members.  Most of them are in their late thirties and early forties. I am sure they have tons of reasons to smile, that is if they think about it...beautiful family, kids (seen pictures in their cubicles), lucrative pay and I am sure many other perks. But, it seems like the stress of the job is taking a toll on them.

People who are under stress need a chuckle more than anybody else. Ironically, they are the ones who don’t laugh. Most of us lose that laughing kid in us with responsibilities. But we must take a time to bring that kid in us back, every once in a while. Work is never ending and so is the stress in life. We can reduce this stress by talking to people around us, by smiling at others, by having that one care free chuckle that will make you forget worries of the day.

“Is it that hard to smile?” I ask. Come on people, bring it on, it’s free…and offers loads of benefits!!

Remember Charlie Chaplin - "Smile and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you."

Mom’s Invisible Eyes

It’s surprising how easily kids get amused by explanation of some things they get from adults.

Many times my kids ask me some questions for which I don’t really have answers, or in some cases I don’t want them to know the real answer that soon in their life, may be not appropriate for their age. In these kind of situation, I have noticed, most of the time unknowingly I give them funny answers. These funny answers trick them so much that their focus shifts from question (that they asked) to the answer immediately. Then they remember it forever.

Once, me and my daughter, only two of us were at home. I was cooking and my daughter was eating Chapati with curry. She was eating and watching TV. Both of our backs were facing each other’s. She was lill over 5 then. She hardly ate Chapati and curry herself (if it pizza, burger, she would eat herself without any help), on the top of that TV was on. 

Without going to her and without turning around, I just said, “Eat your food”.

She replied back instantly taking a bite, “I am”.

“I know you just took a bite now. You were not eating before.”

As soon as I said it, she came running to me, with her eyes wide open as if those eyes were very curious to know something and said to me, “Mommy, how did you know that I was not eating before? You didn't turn around to see”.

I instantly replied, “I have 2 eyes on the back side of my head, hidden in my hairs.”

“Wow, mom you are lucky to have it. Can I see it please?”

“Sweetie, nobody can see those eyes. God gave those invisible eyes to me when you were born”.

She was so amused by the answer that she finished the food very fast to call daddy and let him know about my 2 invisible eyes. After many months, one day all my three kids (my son, my daughter and my husband) were eating food and I was working in the kitchen, not facing them. I started hearing some slow noises, I understood that they are having fun and food is kept aside. Without turning around, I said, “Guys, finish your food fast, otherwise we are not going out.”

My daughter immediately said, “Dad, please finish your food fast, I want to go out. You know mommy has invisible eyes, she can see everything.” 

I laughed, secretly, hearing what she said to her dad.

This repeated so many times, few times at our home, one time in some party where her friends were not eating food. She told all of them about my invisible eyes. That night, when we returned home from party, she asked me, “Mommy, Amani told me that her mom too has invisible eyes that help Aunty to take care of her kids. Does every mom have those invisible eyes?”

“Yes my child”, I replied

The last sentence that she said before going to bed that night, left me thinking, did I do right thing by giving the answer of invisible eyes.....she said, “I can’t wait to be mom.”

I guess, 4 years after that incident, now she understands, what those mommy’s invisible eyes are! She has started playing the same with her younger brother.

“Don’t mess with my Lego blocks. I can see you with my invisible eyes”, she said while studying and not even looking at him. 

But yes, her brother was for sure messing up with her Legos......

Bang Bang Shrimp in a Rocketship with Harry Potter

What a great weekend it was! Spent loads of quality time with family, that I have been missing for last few weekends since so much (sickness and holidays) was going on.

Friday started with bang. I mean Bang bang Shrimp of Bonefish Grill. Love it. Tender crispy shrimps with spicy sauce, oh, how much I missed it!

Saturday morning started off great. After the breakfast, we decided to sit and enjoy some art work. My four year old decided and immediately announced, “Mom, I am drawing rocketship”.

I added to his announcement, “I will too”.

Then I looked at my nine year old, she didn't want to join our crew. So I left her alone with what she wanted to do.

I gave paper and markers to my little one to get him started. By the time I collected material that I wanted to use for drawing, he was already done with one drawing.

To give momma company (because I was not done yet), he decided to continue drawing. So he drew not 1, not 2...but 8 spaceships. Sometimes he surprises me by exhibiting loads of patience and at other times by testing my patienceJ.

First picture in the list is the one that he drew as his first drawing of this weekend. My daughter thought this looked like grizzly bear. 

Second one is my version of rocketship. She thought this one looked amazing-wazing.

Sunday ended with Harry Potter’s 7th movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows –Part 1

As my daughter finishes reading a particular book in Harry Potter series, we watch the corresponding movie. Yesterday, she finished her last book. She was so excited. We watched the first part of the deathly hallows movie today. Can’t wait to watch the second part tomorrow. 

Really an awesome weekend - bang bang shrimp in a rocketship with Harry PotterJ. 

Couldn't sleep without writing about it......

3...2...1.. Happy New Year 2014

As 2013 is marking its end, it’s time to travel through whole year, in a flash, to be thankful for good things this year blessed us with. Luckily, I have many to be thankful for, touchwood! When I reminisce into last year, I also remember some not so good incidents that happened. But I would thank those unwanted incidents as well since it taught me life lessons and made me stronger person like never before.

As we welcome 2014, time to make new resolution. No, seriously, this year I have not 1 but 14 new resolutions for year 2014.

Listing them below:

1. Smile to greet –making somebody’s day better with that curve on your face
2. Thank often – thanking others, for their good deeds, adds content in your life
3. Express gratitude – counting your blessings enhances sense of satisfaction that goes long ways
4. Say ‘You are the best’ – encouraging others
5. Say ‘I love you’ – express often how you feel about your loved ones. Definitely going to impact your relationship in positive way
6. Eat healthy, drink healthy and live healthy – has many benefits. To name one looking and feeling sexy ;-)
7. Exercise – not the rigorous one, simply dance for half an hour with kids, run behind them
8. Believe in ‘Whatever happens, happens for good’ - don’t get discouraged by small things that don’t go according to your plan, always believe that GOD has better things in store for you
9. Reduce electronics usage – must needed in today’s social networking world
10. Read – I love reading especially when all four of us (my two kids, my Hubby and I) sit in each corner of two sofas and read quietly, happens rarely though.
11. Spend more time with kids in nature – we love drawing, coloring and writing sitting under the tree. I will take advantage of being in Sunshine state.
12. Portion control with chocolates – I am good with chocolates until I don’t start eating them, otherwise I eat loads of them.
13. Make my husband follow at least half of the above actions – I need a partner in crime, can’t keep these resolutions alone ;-)
14. Last but not the least; gather the courage to chase my dream

OK ok…. I know what you are thinking. If I can keep half of them I will be smiling next year.

Bye bye 2013….

Welcome 2014!