It Hurts

It hurts to know
He loves you only when you are submissive

It hurts to face the truth
He doesn't care when you get upset

It hurts to absorb
He is not by you when you are sad

It hurts more
Day by day

It hurts to accept
Nothing can be undone, nothing can be rolled back

It hurts to realize
He is not the one as you thought

It hurts even more to admit
You made a wrong decision

But if it hurts so much all the time
Why does your foolish mind still want to be with him?

What Kind of Memories You Want to Make?

Yesterday, Friday evening, perfect mood, I was cooking yummy food for kids and family as I have not done that in months. Everybody was in a good mood, planning to watch movie. The rules were stated very clearly, by dear hubby, about choosing the movie to watch. All of us agreed, but as expected, my 5 year old started throwing tantrums since his choice of movie didn’t get selected.

My son’s screaming and crying made its way to the peak. I tried to talk, didn’t work. Dad yelled back at him, got worst. Sister wanted to talk, he would not listen. At that very moment, the biggest dilemma that we were fighting was, sister didn’t want him to cry but at the same time we can’t pick his movie since he lost the voting and the toss. In addition to that, she didn’t want my husband or me to say anything to him. I am sure, most of the household go through these kinds of episodes every now and then.

At last, we said, “Go I-G-N-O-R-E rule”. We can’t say that word in front of my son, we have to spell it out; he doesn't know spelling of ignore yet, phew!

Amidst all this chaos, my daughter got very agitated and questioned,

“Why he is throwing tantrums? Why he has to do that all the time?”

Then she continued, “I never threw tantrum when I was a kid”.

“Dear, you did too!” I revealed for the first time.

All what was happening was overwhelming enough. So I decided to talk to her.

I said, “When you were of his age, you would become grumpy many times. Severity of your tantrums was only teensy-weensy less than what he is doing right now. Then I shared couple of the small incidents of her tantrums with her”.

“But mom, why did you never tell me that before?” she questioned with her eyes wide open in surprise.

My husband and I answered her question in another question, coincidentally at the same time, “What kind of memories you want to make?”

Then I continued, “In life, we will always face good and bad times, happy and sorrowful moments, fun and boring experiences. It is up to us what kind of memories we want to make. We chose to always remember good things that life brought to us with you. Those tantrums weigh too low compared to the joy that your smile and sweet talks brought in our world.”

Immediately, she gave dad and mom a big giant hug. Then we waited quietly for about 40 minutes till my son settled down.

After that we made one more happy memory with bunch of cuddles, kisses and by watching a movie based on a story that mommy read them a while ago.

What kind of memories you want to make?

International Women’s Day 2014 - inspiring change

Shout out to all beautiful women out there:
“Happy Women’s day to all of you! Not only on this day, but every day inspire a positive change within yourself and other women around you.”

I have been seeing many beautiful images, videos and messages, about women’s day, making rounds on Facebook. I am sure you must have seen it too. Who has been posting those? At least in my circle of friends, around 80% of those posts came from females and only 20% came from male friends. And how many of those males really mean it what they posted? I would guess, very few. How many of all the males around us treat women with respect and dignity?

• It is saddening to know that in many Indian liberal families, where both husband and wife are earning members, women still go through loads of verbal and in some cases physical abuse behind the closed doors. Women who don’t get to work, their sufferings are even more brutal, beyond imaginations in numerous cases.
• Working women have to work harder to juggle between family and work. On the other hand, in India, how much of a time one man spends on a household work? Any guesses? Mere 19 minutes a day, read TOI article on it.
• Even being in USA, I have come across chauvinist Asian men who disrespect and discriminate female co-workers.
• In this age and world, in many households in India, why still girls have to choose their career that would be best suited after marriage? Why can’t girls choose what they want to do, instead of what they should be doing?
• To date in India, there are numerous households where boys are raised in superior manner to a girl.
• To bring the complete change, each and every person will have to take a tiny bit responsibility. Yes, we are progressing, but that is not enough. The change has to happen at the root level first.
• Every parent has to teach their kids and moreover set an example for their boys to treat women with respect and dignity. It has to start at home, that we are still lacking in major amount.
• At the tender age, a boy needs to learn that it is not OK to hit her sister. Only teaching wouldn’t help. Setting an example by his dad, uncles and granddads would help; otherwise no matter how much mom teaches a boy to be respectful of his sister and other women, he could very well follow footsteps of his dad.

I am sure there are many other points that I could pen down that need change.

But call out to all men out there:

“Losing it is easy. Holding it back, being nice and respectful to others is harder. That is where true person’s strength lies. That is the change we need to see from you to make world the beautiful place to live for your sisters, daughters, wives, mothers and every other woman.”

Now coming back to my women friends, do you realize that, in many cases, men get encouraged for disrespectful, abusing and discriminating behavior, they indulge in, by women hiding what happens with them behind the closed doors of home or office. This is the sincere request to all women:

• Don’t tolerate it to get to the worst. Oppose it at the start.
• Come out, speak about it.
• Seek out for help.
• Hiding those problems won’t give any resolution, but definitely could make things worse.
• Inspire yourself to stay strong and fight against it.

Always remind yourself of following lines
“There's only one very good life and that's the life you know you want and you make it yourself.” --Diana Vreeland

Linking it to Write Tribe Festival of Words – International Women’s Day 2014

Complain about Her or Leisure Time?

Of course, even after decade of marriage and two kids

His heart melts at her glimpse in leisure time

His heart skips a beat with her laugh in leisure time

He easily gets lost in her gleaming eyes in leisure time

Unfortunately, leisure time is no near them for years

Who should he complain about?

Linking it to Write Tribe Festival of Words: 55 Fiction

My Inspiration to become Stronger Person

An inspiration comes to one from many walks of life. I am no different than others in that regard. Time to time, many people have inspired me in different aspects of life. Different quotes, books even nature has inspired me a lot. I have few stories to share about my inspiration. But today I would like to share a unique experience with you all. Somebody’s words made me change myself a lot, when I say a lot I mean it.

I am very sensitive by nature. I used to cry for very small things especially things that put pressure on my mind and heart, may it be exam that I was not prepared for, way too extra workload, heated argument with someone close to me or I am being unhappy in order to make everybody else around me happy. (Please click here to know more about highly sensitive people, very nice article written by Amanda L. Chan)

Growing up, nobody taught me how to deal with that sensitivity. As I started going to middle school mom would scold if I would cry. To avoid getting scolded, I started weeping in alone. I mastered it pretty soon. I would go to toilet and let it out. Sometimes I would lock myself in a room with an excuse of studies and sob for hours. To my surprise, it was getting worse day by day.

After finishing up my college, I got married to this wonderful man who turned into my best friend. When I would start crying, he would never stop me. He would always give me his listening ears and shoulder to cry. He would let me cry for little while. Then he would start telling me funny stories to make me laugh. He would make funny gestures just to lighten me up.

Once that cry phase was done I would be very happy, giggly and normal as if I am the happiest girl on the earth, as if all my sorrows and worries melted down with my tears. How long that cry would last? Any guesses? You never know from 15 minutes to few days, it was variable.

But my husband was always patient when it came to my crying. Sometimes when he was frustrated, he would say “Your soft and sensitive heart is a beautiful thing you have. Don’t let anyone hurt you just like. Even if you get hurt, don’t just let that hurt out in tears. Utilize that hurt to ignite your motivations.” I understood what all he said. It all made sense. But I didn't know how to work on it, what to do with it.

Then one beautiful angel came in our life. We were blessed with our first child, our daughter. Our world changed completely, but my crying habit didn't change at all. It turned out that my daughter was very sensitive girl too. She too would cry on all small to big things possible. Hugs, kisses or anything else for that matter wouldn't work.

Mother’s heart couldn't tolerate her kid crying. It was painful for me to see her cry. I would let her for little while and if she wouldn't stop I would tell her, “Please don’t cry. You are so precious to me. If you cry, I get hurt. Please don’t.” That would make her agitated and things used to get worse.

One day similar kind of episode was happening. Amidst that storm when I asked her to stop crying, then 5 year old girl didn't stop her tears; instead she asked me a question, “Mommy, if you cry so much. Why do you ask me to not cry? ”

That one question inspired me to work on changing my habit of twenty seven years. Before getting the feel of inspiration, I went through a lot of emotional turmoil. 

• I went through rounds of guilt that I am setting a bad example for my daughter.
• Then next came realization of I need to work on it for my kids, no matter what it takes.
• After realization, came urge to look out for ways to work on changing the habit of crying. In order to get my ducks in a row, I reached out to dear hubby. He helped me to work on it. That process was difficult but his help made it easier.
• Last came the inspiration, as I saw great results in terms of my daughter’s way of handling sensitivity in response to my small improvements on crying habit.

In last four years, every day I worked on handling my sensitive heart in better way. As a result of which I feel at peace better than ever before.

Oh, one more thing, her inspiring me didn't stop at that one question. In last one year, every now and then I have heard she commanding it to her dad like a big girl, “Dad, you have to learn from mommy how to be patient. Look at her; she is always very patient with us for first 5 to 7 times before getting mad. You need to work on that.” Those words inspire me even more to become stronger and better person every passing minute.

What a joy!

This was written for Write Tribe's Festival of Words: An Inspiring Story

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Title: A Thousand Splendid Suns
Author: Khaled Hosseini
Published: May 22, 2007
ISBN: 978-1594489501
Number of Pages: 372
Price (USD): $25.95
Genre: Fiction

A Thousand Splendid Suns is a splendid soulful read. It is an incredible, heart-wrenching story of Afghan history, unyielding love, faith and especially sisterhood. 

The story revolves around Mariam and Laila, two female protagonist who are born generations apart. Story is divided into four parts, with a focus on Mariam in the first part, continuing with Laila in the second and fourth, and the relationship between the two women in the third part.

Mariam and Laila are brought up in very different set up.

Mariam was illegitimate child. She lived in outskirts of Herat with her embittered mother.

Laila was an apple of her dad’s eye. Growing up in Kabul, she was close friends with a boy living in her neighborhood. They eventually developed a romantic relationship despite being aware of the social boundaries between men and women in Afghan society. But the war took everything away from Laila.

Mariam and Laila were brought together by war, loss and fate. Laila was taken in by Mariam’s husband, Rasheed. First Mariam envied and disliked Laila as she noticed Laila being treated as queen of the house by her husband. But eventually, as time passed, unusual circumstances brought them closer. They both became best friends. They shared the bond of the sisterhood as you might have not heard before.

I loved the book so much that I would love to read it one more time if time permits.

1. Once you start reading this book, you won't want to put it down
2. Not a light reading at all
3. A lot of violence and heavy reading
4. Superbly written

• While reading this whole book there were moments when I cried (a real cry) reading about the way women in Afghan were treated by men like Rasheed. As mush as I felt sad for those women, I felt even more thankful about the life that I get to live and enjoy.

• It moved me knowing that even in male dominated Afghan, nice men like Laila’s dad existed. Laila’s dad said to her, “‎I know you're still young but I want you to understand and learn this now. Marriage can wait, education cannot. You're a very bright girl. Truly you are. You can be anything you want Laila. I know this about you. And I also know that when this war is over Afghanistan is going to need you as much as its men maybe even more. Because a society has no chance of success if its women are uneducated Laila. No chance.” I loved the father-daughter relationship Laila and her father shared. In spite of all odds of society, her father always supported her, encouraged her to study. At the end of the book, after many years of her father’s loss, when war was finished, Laila came forward and gave it for the community, for the orphanage, as a tribute to wonderful parents that she had.

• I was also touched by the part of the book where Laila’s love comes back in her life and he accepts her happily irrespective of she already being married to Rasheed and being mother of his child. Khaled Hosseini nailed it. This is only possible by unyielding, indestructible and true love that they both shared.

• Last, but not the least, the sacrifice that Mariam made for Laila and her kids was unbeatable. Even though life had always been unkind to Mariam, she didn’t shy away from being kind to Laila. Laila and her kids became Mariam’s family and life. Mariam took care of Laila like mother when it came to protecting her. She became Laila’s friend when it came to confiding in each other. The bond that these women built over the cup of tea and Halwa was amazing. Their relationship depicts perfect example of sisterhood that doesn't rely on age or blood relationship. Being kind and compassionate, that is all it matters at the end. 

If you have not read this book, please read it. Trust me you won’t be disappointed.

Linking it to Festival of Words : Book Review

Remember the Day's Blessings and Forget the Day's Troubles

I sat in my office room, in front of my big 21 inch screen, legs criss-crossed on chair, very relaxed, staring at a clock ticking very fast and loud and I am thinking about the whole day. In spite of a very stressful day at work, I was feeling happy. 

Reached home quite late, but I was so delighted to rejoice with kids and dear hubby. I played Monopoly with kids with add on treat of hugs and kisses. That is how I forgot about trouble the day brought with it at work. Immediately a quote, that I read somewhere, flashed in my brain

A good memory is one that can remember the day's blessings and forget the day's troubles.

How true I thought!

I was hardly done typing till this point for today’s prompt. Then I hear crying noise from my daughter’s room. Breaking my train of thoughts, I ran to her. In back of my mind, I am thinking I might not be able to finish today’s post because once she wakes up crying it takes hours to calm her down. Her neck was paining. After that I spent almost one hour making her relax.

I started off with some gentle neck relaxation exercises, some cuddles and kisses. Nothing worked. I explained her many things just to stop her crying, to sooth her to no avail.

When kids are younger and if they are crying too much, some distraction helps them to stop crying. But as they grow, it becomes one daunting task for parents.

At last, I took her to bed, tapped her head for about 35 minutes, telling her stories. I started with funny story to get her laughing so that she let go of her cry. Phew! That worked. Half marathon done!

Then I narrated her very soulful story of a mom and her son. I narrated her many small conversations that they used to have. I also mentioned some of the special things what mommy taught him. The best of all, I mentioned as his mom said, “No matter what, listen to your heart and be happy.” And then I told her how the son taught that one thing to his wife as well. Her eyes instantly popped opened and pointing at me she said, “I know who it is. Is it about how dad taught you to be always happy by listening to your heart?”

By this time she was very calm. Then I told her I want you to be happy, always. I mentioned to her if you think about happy thoughts while sleeping, you will get the best sleep of the world. By now, her eyes closed, smile touching her lips and face had blissful glow. She went to deep sleep in few minutes.

Her happy face and smiling lips are my day’s blessings.

What are your day’s blessings?

Wrote this as a part of Festival of Words: Free Write

Blog Love

I have been reading and enjoying many blogs as a silent reader for few years now. I have subscribed to those blogs to receive emails. My morning starts with reading posts from those blogs.

Thanks to Corinee Rodrigues for her encouraging words on spreading the blog love in her post Festival of Words – Blog Love, I have decided to get more active in adding bloggers in my circle, following them and commenting on their posts.

Today being 3^rd of March, I picked magic number 3 to showcase 3 blogs that I like:

Mommy Labs

This blog gives a peek into Rashmie’s passion about making learning fun, passionate, playful and creative for her daughter. I admire her passion, curiosity and interest for learning. The approach that she has taken to homeschool her daughter is amazing. One of my absolute favorite areas from this blog is how she is inspired by the nature for her art work. The way, she utilizes Zentagle in her art work to marry nature with Indian culture, is awestruck. I absolutely love it. Sometimes, I wish I had courage to drop everything I am doing, follow my heart and spend the entire life only for kids. Kudos to Rashmie.

Much love! Preeti Shenoy

I have read few of her books and have also subscribed to her blog to receive emails. I have been passively reading her blog for few years now. I love her writing style. I can completely relate to each and every post of hers. Every time I read her post, I instantly say to myself, “This is what my take would be as well”. Reading her always feels like home. I am sure you would like it too. 

A Rose Is A Rose Is A Rose!

Couple months back; I came across Shilpa’s blog through one of my college mates. Most of her posts that I have read are fascinating. My absolute favorite on this blog is fictional stories that get posted every so often as a part of one of the writing prompts. Shilpa Garg is awesome at portraying her fictional characters, spot on. I have enjoyed reading all her fictional characters.

Everyone says you fall in love only once. But that is not true, because every time I read these blogs I fall in love with them all over again.

I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words

The Theme for today is 'Blog Love'

The Shattering Loss

It was very devastating the way that beautiful relationship between the two sisters ended.
Jiya even didn't get chance to utter a good-bye or hug Riya for a last time.
These two sisters were the alter ego of each other, the best friends.
They kept no secrets between them and enjoyed every moment of life together until one fatal day Riya died from brutal car accident.

Since then Jiya cried each night, burying her face in the pillow.
Slowly, the tears dried off and crying morphed into the worst kind where she couldn't sob loudly, tears would not roll down her cheeks, but her throat hurt dry and sad.

Decades later, Jiya has started looking for her sister in people around her.
Very little she knows that there is always only one person on the earth of its own kind.

Her broken and aching heart is not ready yet to accept the shattering loss of her twin sister.

I am taking part in The Write Tribe Festival of Words

The Theme for today is a 9 Sentence Story