My Inspiration to become Stronger Person

An inspiration comes to one from many walks of life. I am no different than others in that regard. Time to time, many people have inspired me in different aspects of life. Different quotes, books even nature has inspired me a lot. I have few stories to share about my inspiration. But today I would like to share a unique experience with you all. Somebody’s words made me change myself a lot, when I say a lot I mean it.

I am very sensitive by nature. I used to cry for very small things especially things that put pressure on my mind and heart, may it be exam that I was not prepared for, way too extra workload, heated argument with someone close to me or I am being unhappy in order to make everybody else around me happy. (Please click here to know more about highly sensitive people, very nice article written by Amanda L. Chan)

Growing up, nobody taught me how to deal with that sensitivity. As I started going to middle school mom would scold if I would cry. To avoid getting scolded, I started weeping in alone. I mastered it pretty soon. I would go to toilet and let it out. Sometimes I would lock myself in a room with an excuse of studies and sob for hours. To my surprise, it was getting worse day by day.

After finishing up my college, I got married to this wonderful man who turned into my best friend. When I would start crying, he would never stop me. He would always give me his listening ears and shoulder to cry. He would let me cry for little while. Then he would start telling me funny stories to make me laugh. He would make funny gestures just to lighten me up.

Once that cry phase was done I would be very happy, giggly and normal as if I am the happiest girl on the earth, as if all my sorrows and worries melted down with my tears. How long that cry would last? Any guesses? You never know from 15 minutes to few days, it was variable.

But my husband was always patient when it came to my crying. Sometimes when he was frustrated, he would say “Your soft and sensitive heart is a beautiful thing you have. Don’t let anyone hurt you just like. Even if you get hurt, don’t just let that hurt out in tears. Utilize that hurt to ignite your motivations.” I understood what all he said. It all made sense. But I didn't know how to work on it, what to do with it.

Then one beautiful angel came in our life. We were blessed with our first child, our daughter. Our world changed completely, but my crying habit didn't change at all. It turned out that my daughter was very sensitive girl too. She too would cry on all small to big things possible. Hugs, kisses or anything else for that matter wouldn't work.

Mother’s heart couldn't tolerate her kid crying. It was painful for me to see her cry. I would let her for little while and if she wouldn't stop I would tell her, “Please don’t cry. You are so precious to me. If you cry, I get hurt. Please don’t.” That would make her agitated and things used to get worse.

One day similar kind of episode was happening. Amidst that storm when I asked her to stop crying, then 5 year old girl didn't stop her tears; instead she asked me a question, “Mommy, if you cry so much. Why do you ask me to not cry? ”

That one question inspired me to work on changing my habit of twenty seven years. Before getting the feel of inspiration, I went through a lot of emotional turmoil. 

• I went through rounds of guilt that I am setting a bad example for my daughter.
• Then next came realization of I need to work on it for my kids, no matter what it takes.
• After realization, came urge to look out for ways to work on changing the habit of crying. In order to get my ducks in a row, I reached out to dear hubby. He helped me to work on it. That process was difficult but his help made it easier.
• Last came the inspiration, as I saw great results in terms of my daughter’s way of handling sensitivity in response to my small improvements on crying habit.

In last four years, every day I worked on handling my sensitive heart in better way. As a result of which I feel at peace better than ever before.

Oh, one more thing, her inspiring me didn't stop at that one question. In last one year, every now and then I have heard she commanding it to her dad like a big girl, “Dad, you have to learn from mommy how to be patient. Look at her; she is always very patient with us for first 5 to 7 times before getting mad. You need to work on that.” Those words inspire me even more to become stronger and better person every passing minute.

What a joy!

This was written for Write Tribe's Festival of Words: An Inspiring Story