One of my very
good college friends used to be very introvert and quiet kind of person. He
would come across as a very mature person for his age then. He used to be in
his little shell all the time, doing great things that he wanted to do very
quietly, not worrying about people around him.
Even if people would
give him hard time, he wouldn’t say anything. He would ignore them and move on
happily. If it’s his birthday, he won’t care whether anybody would wish him or
not. He would even forget to wish you on your birthday. If he wishes you - you
are lucky, he would not bring any gifts and the list goes on. But, yes, if you
ask him for help, he would be the one who is always ready, always there for
you, by your side. That was the best part of his friendship.
He would never
share how he feels about something that is going on around him. At times, I
would think I don’t know him. But I will always share all my worries and happy
thoughts with him. Many times I would share with him incidents that I hid deep
down in my heart. While reciting those happenings to him, I would cry. He would
not interrupt me a word, he would not tell me that it’s OK, things will be
fine. He would let me cry as much as I wanted. He would hear me out and would
say only one thing at the end, “That is why I say never expect anything
from anyone, and then you will never be disappointed.”
Thirteen years
back, I couldn’t be like him, no matter how hard I tried. It bothered me
what other people said especially if they said or did something that was not according
to my expectations.
First few times
when I heard it from him, my eyes were wide open, the tears stopped rolling
down and I wondered, “What is he saying? I don’t get it.”
Almost a decade
later, after getting hurt million times, shedding God knows how many tears, at
times screaming and yelling in loneliness, I have realized that my friend was
so right. Whenever I expected something from someone it always ended up
disappointing me. I was the one who was hurt the most. Person at the other end
never cared so much. If I was disappointed, I couldn’t speak up about it. I ended
up screaming at beloved people in my life including my mom, husband (the most) and
kids sometimes.
I feel expectation
is like termite. How termite has wood-eating habits that damages any wooden furniture
it lays its hands on. In similar ways, the expectation has peace-eating habits that
in turn spoils and damages your relationships. I don’t want my peace of mind be
eaten by stupid expectation. I have taught myself to not to expect from anyone
as much as possible.
It was not easy.
It cost me many sleepless nights, countless number of tears, racing heart,
screaming and yelling vocal cord, some fights with people around me, some
fights with myself and many years.
But finally, I am
on my way to not to expect. I am not 100% there yet, but I feel it is close
enough. Every time I see myself making U-turn from it, I remind myself of the verse
in Bhagawad Gita
Karmanye Vadhikaraste, Ma phaleshou kada chana
It means
you have the right to perform your actions, but you are not entitled to
the fruits of the actions. In other words don’t expect anything just keep
performing your actions.
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