Happy 10th Birthday

Ten years ago, on the day of 12th December an angel came in my life. As a family, we Balani’s were going through very difficult time. But this angel made it little easier. Till today she remains very easy going child and angel of us all.
From the time she was born, I literally cried every time when she cried till she turned almost five. Then one day she questioned me, “Why do you ask me not to cry when you yourself cry?”

That day I decided and worked on changing myself that I won’t do for anybody else. Unknowingly, she made me stronger. I don’t remember if I ever laughed heartily when she laughed, but for sure I always feel on the top of the world when her eyes smile and she knows that my action depicts it. She is my strength and I know I am hers.

At the tender age of four, she said something that touched my heart powerfully. My husband was out on business assignment. I was six months pregnant with my second child. In the evening, after work I picked her up from daycare. We entered home and I sat on sofa. I started crying (pregnancy mood swings). This little angel was only four years then. She sat by me and asked, “Mumma, what happened? Why are you crying?” 

I didn’t know how to explain her about my mood swing. So I hugged her tight and replied, “You know when I go out, how you miss me and cry, the exact same way I am missing my mom today.”
She immediately wiped my tears and said, “Don’t cry momma. Just for today, I will pretend to be your mom.”

Then she held my head, tried to bring it down in her lap. After that she asked me to put down my head in her lap and lie down. When I played along, she caressed my hairs as if she was my mom. That moment was so special. I will cherish it for lifetime. Not only this moment, but many other moments like this assure me that I am so blessed to have Bhumi as a daughter.
I can’t believe she is already 10. My darling, love you to pieces!

 

 

 

Silly Things, Give Kids Greatest Zing

I was going through my diary yesterday. I stumbled on this incident that I noted about a year ago, when we were in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Immediately I thought to blog it to have it in my records for ever, never know when I will lose that diary. Can't wait to watch my daughter’s expression after she reads this blog post.

A Year Ago

“What?” with wide open mouth, was my reaction when I looked at my daughter’s feet on one Tuesday morning. Each of her leg sporting different color and pattern socks very confidently.

“Are you sure? Your friends might laugh at you”, I asked. I wanted to confirm that she was 100% sure to do it. That way she would take the mocks sportingly, if at all, from her friends.

She shrugged her shoulder, twitched her lower lip, smiled and froze in the place with that gesture for few seconds. I had no other choice than smile in my mind.

I said, “Ok Ok.. hurry up now, wear your shoes,  otherwise you will miss the bus”.

As soon as she turned around to go to wear her shoes, I had wide smile on my face.

By the end of that week, all the girls of her class started wearing mismatched socks.

Do we realize, these small things, that we think are weird, give immense pleasure to kids?

About six years back, I wouldn’t have let her do that. Then I would have thought, “What will people say if they see she is wearing different color socks, not matching pant and top”.

But lately I have learned to let go of those things and realized that these small and silly things matter to kids a lot. It’s for them and not for us. 

Moreover, whenever my husband dresses them up, I have even stop thinking about getting embarrassed anymore, because mismatch of clothes is ought to happen. No kidding J

Silly things
Give kids greatest zing
Please, for once, let it spring
Then hear kids’ laugh like ting-a-ling

It Hurts

It hurts to know
He loves you only when you are submissive

It hurts to face the truth
He doesn't care when you get upset

It hurts to absorb
He is not by you when you are sad

It hurts more
Day by day

It hurts to accept
Nothing can be undone, nothing can be rolled back

It hurts to realize
He is not the one as you thought

It hurts even more to admit
You made a wrong decision

But if it hurts so much all the time
Why does your foolish mind still want to be with him?

What Kind of Memories You Want to Make?

Yesterday, Friday evening, perfect mood, I was cooking yummy food for kids and family as I have not done that in months. Everybody was in a good mood, planning to watch movie. The rules were stated very clearly, by dear hubby, about choosing the movie to watch. All of us agreed, but as expected, my 5 year old started throwing tantrums since his choice of movie didn’t get selected.

My son’s screaming and crying made its way to the peak. I tried to talk, didn’t work. Dad yelled back at him, got worst. Sister wanted to talk, he would not listen. At that very moment, the biggest dilemma that we were fighting was, sister didn’t want him to cry but at the same time we can’t pick his movie since he lost the voting and the toss. In addition to that, she didn’t want my husband or me to say anything to him. I am sure, most of the household go through these kinds of episodes every now and then.

At last, we said, “Go I-G-N-O-R-E rule”. We can’t say that word in front of my son, we have to spell it out; he doesn't know spelling of ignore yet, phew!

Amidst all this chaos, my daughter got very agitated and questioned,

“Why he is throwing tantrums? Why he has to do that all the time?”

Then she continued, “I never threw tantrum when I was a kid”.

“Dear, you did too!” I revealed for the first time.

All what was happening was overwhelming enough. So I decided to talk to her.

I said, “When you were of his age, you would become grumpy many times. Severity of your tantrums was only teensy-weensy less than what he is doing right now. Then I shared couple of the small incidents of her tantrums with her”.

“But mom, why did you never tell me that before?” she questioned with her eyes wide open in surprise.

My husband and I answered her question in another question, coincidentally at the same time, “What kind of memories you want to make?”

Then I continued, “In life, we will always face good and bad times, happy and sorrowful moments, fun and boring experiences. It is up to us what kind of memories we want to make. We chose to always remember good things that life brought to us with you. Those tantrums weigh too low compared to the joy that your smile and sweet talks brought in our world.”

Immediately, she gave dad and mom a big giant hug. Then we waited quietly for about 40 minutes till my son settled down.

After that we made one more happy memory with bunch of cuddles, kisses and by watching a movie based on a story that mommy read them a while ago.

What kind of memories you want to make?

International Women’s Day 2014 - inspiring change

Shout out to all beautiful women out there:
“Happy Women’s day to all of you! Not only on this day, but every day inspire a positive change within yourself and other women around you.”

I have been seeing many beautiful images, videos and messages, about women’s day, making rounds on Facebook. I am sure you must have seen it too. Who has been posting those? At least in my circle of friends, around 80% of those posts came from females and only 20% came from male friends. And how many of those males really mean it what they posted? I would guess, very few. How many of all the males around us treat women with respect and dignity?

• It is saddening to know that in many Indian liberal families, where both husband and wife are earning members, women still go through loads of verbal and in some cases physical abuse behind the closed doors. Women who don’t get to work, their sufferings are even more brutal, beyond imaginations in numerous cases.
• Working women have to work harder to juggle between family and work. On the other hand, in India, how much of a time one man spends on a household work? Any guesses? Mere 19 minutes a day, read TOI article on it.
• Even being in USA, I have come across chauvinist Asian men who disrespect and discriminate female co-workers.
• In this age and world, in many households in India, why still girls have to choose their career that would be best suited after marriage? Why can’t girls choose what they want to do, instead of what they should be doing?
• To date in India, there are numerous households where boys are raised in superior manner to a girl.
• To bring the complete change, each and every person will have to take a tiny bit responsibility. Yes, we are progressing, but that is not enough. The change has to happen at the root level first.
• Every parent has to teach their kids and moreover set an example for their boys to treat women with respect and dignity. It has to start at home, that we are still lacking in major amount.
• At the tender age, a boy needs to learn that it is not OK to hit her sister. Only teaching wouldn’t help. Setting an example by his dad, uncles and granddads would help; otherwise no matter how much mom teaches a boy to be respectful of his sister and other women, he could very well follow footsteps of his dad.

I am sure there are many other points that I could pen down that need change.

But call out to all men out there:

“Losing it is easy. Holding it back, being nice and respectful to others is harder. That is where true person’s strength lies. That is the change we need to see from you to make world the beautiful place to live for your sisters, daughters, wives, mothers and every other woman.”

Now coming back to my women friends, do you realize that, in many cases, men get encouraged for disrespectful, abusing and discriminating behavior, they indulge in, by women hiding what happens with them behind the closed doors of home or office. This is the sincere request to all women:

• Don’t tolerate it to get to the worst. Oppose it at the start.
• Come out, speak about it.
• Seek out for help.
• Hiding those problems won’t give any resolution, but definitely could make things worse.
• Inspire yourself to stay strong and fight against it.

Always remind yourself of following lines
“There's only one very good life and that's the life you know you want and you make it yourself.” --Diana Vreeland

Linking it to Write Tribe Festival of Words – International Women’s Day 2014

Complain about Her or Leisure Time?

Of course, even after decade of marriage and two kids

His heart melts at her glimpse in leisure time

His heart skips a beat with her laugh in leisure time

He easily gets lost in her gleaming eyes in leisure time

Unfortunately, leisure time is no near them for years

Who should he complain about?

Linking it to Write Tribe Festival of Words: 55 Fiction

My Inspiration to become Stronger Person

An inspiration comes to one from many walks of life. I am no different than others in that regard. Time to time, many people have inspired me in different aspects of life. Different quotes, books even nature has inspired me a lot. I have few stories to share about my inspiration. But today I would like to share a unique experience with you all. Somebody’s words made me change myself a lot, when I say a lot I mean it.

I am very sensitive by nature. I used to cry for very small things especially things that put pressure on my mind and heart, may it be exam that I was not prepared for, way too extra workload, heated argument with someone close to me or I am being unhappy in order to make everybody else around me happy. (Please click here to know more about highly sensitive people, very nice article written by Amanda L. Chan)

Growing up, nobody taught me how to deal with that sensitivity. As I started going to middle school mom would scold if I would cry. To avoid getting scolded, I started weeping in alone. I mastered it pretty soon. I would go to toilet and let it out. Sometimes I would lock myself in a room with an excuse of studies and sob for hours. To my surprise, it was getting worse day by day.

After finishing up my college, I got married to this wonderful man who turned into my best friend. When I would start crying, he would never stop me. He would always give me his listening ears and shoulder to cry. He would let me cry for little while. Then he would start telling me funny stories to make me laugh. He would make funny gestures just to lighten me up.

Once that cry phase was done I would be very happy, giggly and normal as if I am the happiest girl on the earth, as if all my sorrows and worries melted down with my tears. How long that cry would last? Any guesses? You never know from 15 minutes to few days, it was variable.

But my husband was always patient when it came to my crying. Sometimes when he was frustrated, he would say “Your soft and sensitive heart is a beautiful thing you have. Don’t let anyone hurt you just like. Even if you get hurt, don’t just let that hurt out in tears. Utilize that hurt to ignite your motivations.” I understood what all he said. It all made sense. But I didn't know how to work on it, what to do with it.

Then one beautiful angel came in our life. We were blessed with our first child, our daughter. Our world changed completely, but my crying habit didn't change at all. It turned out that my daughter was very sensitive girl too. She too would cry on all small to big things possible. Hugs, kisses or anything else for that matter wouldn't work.

Mother’s heart couldn't tolerate her kid crying. It was painful for me to see her cry. I would let her for little while and if she wouldn't stop I would tell her, “Please don’t cry. You are so precious to me. If you cry, I get hurt. Please don’t.” That would make her agitated and things used to get worse.

One day similar kind of episode was happening. Amidst that storm when I asked her to stop crying, then 5 year old girl didn't stop her tears; instead she asked me a question, “Mommy, if you cry so much. Why do you ask me to not cry? ”

That one question inspired me to work on changing my habit of twenty seven years. Before getting the feel of inspiration, I went through a lot of emotional turmoil. 

• I went through rounds of guilt that I am setting a bad example for my daughter.
• Then next came realization of I need to work on it for my kids, no matter what it takes.
• After realization, came urge to look out for ways to work on changing the habit of crying. In order to get my ducks in a row, I reached out to dear hubby. He helped me to work on it. That process was difficult but his help made it easier.
• Last came the inspiration, as I saw great results in terms of my daughter’s way of handling sensitivity in response to my small improvements on crying habit.

In last four years, every day I worked on handling my sensitive heart in better way. As a result of which I feel at peace better than ever before.

Oh, one more thing, her inspiring me didn't stop at that one question. In last one year, every now and then I have heard she commanding it to her dad like a big girl, “Dad, you have to learn from mommy how to be patient. Look at her; she is always very patient with us for first 5 to 7 times before getting mad. You need to work on that.” Those words inspire me even more to become stronger and better person every passing minute.

What a joy!

This was written for Write Tribe's Festival of Words: An Inspiring Story